Overthinking: when thoughts go round in circles

The conversation ended hours ago, but in the person’s head it is still going. What exactly did they say, how did it sound, why did the other person pause like that? A short text gets reread a dozen times: why only “ok”, why no full stop, why did it take three hours to reply? At night an argument that has not even happened plays out in full, with replies and counter-replies. And somewhere in the background runs a quiet “what if…”.

This is what people call overthinking. Psychologists distinguish two kinds of it. The first is rumination: thoughts keep going back to the past (what happened, why, what it says about the person). The second is worry about the future: what might go wrong and how to prepare for it. Both are repetitive thinking that goes round in circles instead of moving forward.

How it shows up

Overthinking is easy to mistake for careful thought. The difference is that careful thought reaches something: a conclusion, a decision, a next step. Overthinking keeps coming back to the same place, and after an hour of it a person knows no more than before, but feels worse.

It often looks like this. A conversation is replayed with new, better lines that “should have” been said. Someone’s words, silence or expression are analysed for hidden meaning. Future scenarios multiply: if this happens, then that, and then… Questions such as “why am I like this?” or “why does this always happen to me?” keep coming up and never get an answer. Usually it is worst in the evening and at night, when there is nothing else to fill the head.

Why it feels useful

If overthinking only did harm, it would be easy to give up. The trouble is that it feels useful: it seems that a little more thinking will bring the answer. In fact, this kind of thinking tends to produce worse solutions, not better ones.

There is also a belief behind worry: “if I think everything through, I’ll be prepared” or “if I stop worrying, I’ll miss something important”. When people who worry a lot were asked why they do it, these were the main reasons they gave.

Why thoughts get stuck

The question “why”. The British psychologist Edward Watkins of the University of Exeter concluded that repetitive thinking is not always harmful: a great deal depends on how a person thinks. Abstract questions (“why did this happen?”, “what does it say about me?”) have no clear answer, so the mind keeps returning to them. Concrete questions (“what exactly happened?”, “what can be done next?”) lead somewhere.

Habit: repeated many times in the same situations, overthinking becomes automatic. Evening, a particular place, a familiar feeling of unease – and the thoughts start running before the person has noticed.

Not knowing: worry is closely linked with how hard a person finds it to tolerate uncertainty. When it is impossible to know for sure what someone thought or how a situation will turn out, overthinking becomes an attempt to get that certainty, but it cannot provide it.

Who is prone to it

Many people have a fairly consistent way of responding to a low mood: some tend to dwell on it, others to switch to something else. Overthinking is more common in perfectionists and in people who are hard on themselves. It also goes hand in hand with anxiety and depression and often makes both worse.

For people living abroad there is a particular trigger. After a conversation in a second language, the mind easily goes back over it: did the joke land, did that phrase sound rude, did the other person understand what was meant? Indirect British politeness adds to the doubt: it is not always clear whether “that’s interesting” means interest or polite disagreement.

What it leads to

Overthinking keeps a low mood going for longer and makes depression more likely. One of the best-known studies is a coincidence: in 1989 American psychologists at Stanford University happened to have recorded how students usually responded to a low mood two weeks before a major earthquake struck the San Francisco area. Those who already tended to overthink had more symptoms of depression and stress both ten days and seven weeks after the quake.

Sleep suffers too: after an evening of overthinking, it takes longer to fall asleep. The body stays tense as well: blood pressure, heart rate and stress hormones rise not only because of events themselves but also when a person keeps going back to them in thought. And relationships can suffer: the person seeks support, but those close to them can find it hard to hear the same thoughts again and again.

What helps

Noticing the loop. A useful question is: “Is this thinking leading to a next step?” If after half an hour there is no new clarity and no decision, it is no longer thinking things through, and it is worth stopping.

Swapping “why” for “what”: instead of “why did I say that?”, the question becomes “what exactly happened, and what can I do now?” Questions like these help a person move forward, because they have an answer.

Talking to oneself by name. Thinking about a difficult situation using one’s own name or “you” instead of “I” creates distance: the feelings become quieter, and the situation looks more like a task than a threat.

Switching to something absorbing. Short-term distraction works best when the activity really takes up attention: a conversation, a game, something done with the hands. A walk can help too, especially in nature.

Asking instead of guessing: often these thoughts are fed by a question only the other person can answer. Sometimes it is simpler to ask what they meant than to spend an evening decoding a message.

When it is more than a habit

If thoughts go round in circles almost every day, get in the way of sleep, work or relationships, or come with persistent anxiety and low mood, it is worth getting help. Psychotherapy can help a person understand what keeps the habit going and find other ways of dealing with uncertainty and difficult feelings.